BEST South of the Border EVER

Phillip and I took a road trip to Jacksonville, FL a few weekends ago. It involved leaving at 2 am and spending 23 hours in the car. Now while this sounds wretched, it actually was sort of fun, namely because Phillip is the best person to take road trips with. His car is manual, which I don’t know how to drive. So literally, I was a passenger for 23 hours (12 getting there, 11 getting home) which did not result in any speeding tickets. To pass time we did all sorts of things that included belting out the entire Janis Joplin greatest hits album, exclaiming over undying ipods, keeping a verbal diary, reading passages outloud from “1000 Places to See Before You Die”, making our own list of 100 Things to See in the DC Metro Area, discussing the decline of American civilization, global warming, and the sad state of public education (and nothing else).

By far though, my favorite activity in the car was billboard reading, which once we crossed the North Carolina line, was a thrill a second. There were billboards for places like Cracker Barrel, Hampton Inn’s, Car Dealerships, Christians, JR’s Smoke Shop, etc. Among all of these however, there was one clear standout: The South of the Border Billboards, which featured stereotypical Mexican “Pedro” who could only be more stereotypical if there were flies buzzing around him (he already had a burro), and touted the wonderful things that South of the Border holds for the wayward I-95 passengers.

Needless to say, after 3 hours of South of the Border billboards on the way to Jacksonville (including a few “You passed South of the Border! Turn Back”), and two and a half hours of South of the Border billboards as we headed back to DC, I spent more time than I’m willing to admit lobbying for us to stop at South of the Border. As we approached the exit, Phillip rolled his eyes and sighed*. He pulled the car into Pedro-Land, looked at me and said “No more than 15 minutes”.

Now, South of the Border is not a 15 minute stop. It has a sombrero you can ride in, roller coasters, a café, gas station, leather shop (awkward), Africa store, T-shirt store, camping grounds, motor homes. Anyway, since I only had 15 minutes, I had to prioritize. I bought a green t-shirt for $8.95 and soaked up as much American kitsch as I possibly could with my limited amount of time which was not enough to take a ride in the giant sombrero (which I am not bitter about at all). I think Phillip started to enjoy himself a bit, as he purchased a plethora of shot glasses, ashtrays, etc.

As we drove away, and I pulled my newly acquired shirt over my head and South of the Border faded away in the rear view mirror, I noticed something. The T-shirt I had bought came with a stain already on it.

*Phillips grumpiness may have been exagerated for dramatic purposes