BEST Ducking Tour EVER

I recently experienced what may be the single most ridiculous form of transportation ever invented. The DC Ducktour. At first glance of this boat-car hybrid, the average spectator would assume, "surely you do not utilize both of these forms of transportation." Ahhhh, but you do.

These boats-on-wheels have been fully restored from the 1942 DUKWs used to transport supplies from ships to areas that did not have port facilities after WWII. Based on our maximum speed of what seemed to be 7 mph, I'm pretty sure the supplies are just now making it over there.

Our tour guide, self-titled Captain Nemo, cruised down Pennsylvania Ave. as he announced the various landmarks. I guess I was misled into believing that the Capitol building, the Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial were the major landmarks to point out to tourists. For I just learned that the Department of Labor, IRS, trees, hospitals for the criminally insane, smokestacks, and little old houses are also worthy of a DC tour.

We eventually approach the glorious Potomac, where most tours would logically make a U-turn and head back to Union Station. Not this tour. We journeyed straight into the water at which point the vehicle was set afloat. And by float, I mean the water was eye-level with the passengers. Coasting at a cool 4 mph, we drifted near Reagan National Airport to watch planes depart. Apparently this can only be witnessed in the nation's capital, and thus, deemed necessary for the DC Ducktour. That being said, most passengers pulled out their cameras to actually document this rare occasion of airplanes (gasp!) flying. Of the 90 minute tour, we spent about 30 minutes staring at the airport.

Did I mention that it was 103-degrees during this tour? Yes, I sat in an open-air tour on the very first Code Red day since 2004. We rode around on a giant boat on wheels that sucked down 900 gallons per mile on the first free-bus-ride-so-you-do-not-drive-and-add-to-global-warming day. Lucky for us, they provided us with those manual fans. You know, the piece of paper stapled to a stick that you feverishly wave in your face in an effort to cool down? Yeah, that was effective.

The crowd-pleasing moment of the tour had absolutely nothing to do with the actual city. Half way through the tour, Captain Nemo handed out little rubber beaks to everyone that would simulate a quacking noise when you blew into them like a kazoo. Let the games begin. He gave us the ground rules-- no quacking while he's yapping, but other than that, quack your little hearts out. And so we did. We quacked at police cars, quacked at foreign tourists, quacked at the protesters, quacked at frightened children. We quacked like we've never quacked before. Well, most of the boat quacked. I was a weak quacker.

I must say, it is a pretty ducking hilarious way to see the city.

Please note that I attended the DC Ducktours strictly as a recruiting event at work. Not out of freewill. Nonetheless, I found a great deal of enjoyment entertainment in it.