BEST Walking is Overrated EVER

It's official. No matter how obese our country gets, we continue to reinvent the wheel (pun intended) to promote laziness.

Case and point: Segway x2

This morning, the Express informed me that Segway was unveiling a new rugged x2 model ($5,495): With its thick tires suitable for grass, gravel, sand or dirt, adventure travelers bored with lacing up hiking boots can let this personal transporter do the work. By merely leaning left, right or forward, they'll zoom to 12.5 mph.

For the sake of comic relief during a hectic morning, I ventured on over to the Segway website to take a closer look. The website does not disappoint. The homepage/advertisement showcases different people in a variety of natural settings believed appropriate to ride a Segway (The captions alone were worth the visit to the site. Hysterical.):

• Caption 1: Simply moving. One woman decked out in business attire (accessorized by a helmet) zooms along what appears to be an office corridor in her Segway. Simply moving? Opposed to what? Walking down the corridor at work?

• Caption 2: Mobility evolved. Only shown from the waist down, a man also decked out in business attire zooms along a hallway. I'm not sure where these people work, but some company out there appears to have an abundance of long, empty hallways just begging to employ Segway owners. I liked learning that mobility has evolved-- it is about time we got past this Neanderthal chore of placing one foot in front of another.

• Caption 3: Minimalist design, Multitude of uses. Finally the site unveils the eagerly anticipated Segway x2...by a man decked out in park ranger gear (accessorized by a nametag, badge, and helmet). It really does live up to its multitude of uses as the "ranger" appears to off-road through the woods despite the fact that an obvious walking path is right next to him. I wonder if a bear can reach 12.5 mph.

And to think Kimmmm and I were just talking about going hiking this weekend. So help me, if we're walking along the hiking path at Great Falls and I hear a Segway-rider shout, "Lefffttt..," that Segway-rider may end up with a great fall of his own. I'm just saying...