BEST 1,045 Square Miles EVER

At the risk of transforming our BEST Summer EVER blog into the BEST Summer Weddings EVER as this will mark our third summer wedding post, here goes:

I attended another wedding this past weekend, which involved heading up to Rhode Island to celebrate the marriage of my friends, Caroline and Michael. I arrived on Friday morning, and since the wedding took place on Saturday, I had ample time to explore our country's smallest state.

Up until last weekend, I only knew a couple things about Rhode Island: (1) it is the smallest state in the US and referred to as "the Ocean State," and (2) it is the birthplace of everybody's favorite personified vegetable, Mr. Potatohead. After this weekend, that list grew to the size of, well, Rhode Island.

Here are a few of my observations on...

• Stretching the truth. While it boasts a somewhat respectable size of 1,545 square miles, about one-third of it is the Narragansett Bay. That's right mathematicians, the actual land mass of Rhode Island is about a thousand square miles.

• Comparison to DC. Rhode Island is 48 miles north to south and 37 miles east to west, which is less than some of my commutes for work. To put it in perspective for the DC commuter, that translates into driving from Tyson's Corner to Baltimore (distance north to south) or driving from Washington DC to Baltimore (distance east to west).

• Another checkmark on "1000 Places to See Before You Die." You can obviously see the entire state in a single day. And we did.

• Everybody loves a parade. The wedding took place in Bristol, Rhode Island. Since 1785, Bristol has the longest running, unbroken series of 4th of July Independence Day observances in the country. That's a fancy way of saying "Bristol has a parade."

• The US has 50 states. Bristol has been nicknamed "America's Most Patriotic Town." Every single home proudly dons at least eight flags in the front. Of course, judging from the flags I saw, it seems that most of the state ignores the fact that 37 other states joined the union after the original colonies.

• Feels like home. In case you thought it was impossible, more people pop their collars in Newport than Georgetown.

• Repeat after me: The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly in the Plain. Rhode Island reduced the existing English alphabet to 25 letters as such: …PQRS UVW… Not once did I hear a native Rhode Islander pronounce the letter "T" in words that include the letter "T." (kitten is "ki-hin") You can imagine the language barrier for me, a girl that over-enunciates the letter "T." (kitten is "kiT-Tin")

• Homer Simpson's utopia. Dunkin' Donuts is the Starbucks of Rhode Island. As the home of the first Dunkin' Donuts, the state now contains well over a hundred stores within its small borders. They are literally on every street corner. And ironically, nobody goes there for the donut.

• Now, that's a fetish I haven't seen before. Not to pass judgment on interior design, but there is such a thing as too many stuffed animals. And there is certainly a time and place to showcase said stuffed animals. An infant's bedroom, the pediatric wing of a hospital, and the Valentine's section of Hallmark are all appropriate places to have an insane number of stuffed animals. A Bed & Breakfast, however, is not the place. While comfortable and accommodating, our B&B was detailed from ceiling to floor with stuffed teddies and bunny rabbits! Meanwhile, the owners seemed so normal. That is, if you consider having a sick stuffed animal fetish normal.

• Aphrodisiacs. The wedding included a raw bar of clams and oysters during the happy hour, and I decided to try out a few Rhode Island specialties. It's a well-known fact that eating oysters serves as an aphrodisiac. However, I'm wondering if there is any other reason to eat them. I was told to just open my mouth and pour the oyster down my throat. This is bizarre. There's no chewing, hardly any tasting, it cannot possible be healthy due to the salty aftertaste. So, please, if you know any reason to eat oysters other than the obvious chemical reaction, bestow your wisdom upon me.

Well, that pretty much sums up Rhode Island. The wedding, by the way, was absolutely beautiful. The reception took place outdoors at a mansion on the water. It included spectacular food (and lots of it), great company, a rockin' eight-member band, and a gorgeous view of the water. It was a very classy affair.

In my personal opinion, one the highlights was when the band took a break and Caroline popped in a CD she had prepared. The first song that came on was "Hang on Sloopy," the official rock song of Ohio (which Michael's father supported and helped pass into legislation). Since half of the guests (Michael's side) were from Ohio and/or Ohio State fans (including me), we flailed our arms overhead on the dance floor to "Haannnggg on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on... O…H…I…O!" This is so much better than the YMCA. Go Bucks!

Congratulations Caroline and Michael! Best of luck in Columbus!