BEST Clue EVER

It has now been more than a month since we ventured across the river to reside in the District, and we have yet to meet the people that live in the floor above us. This would not seem unreasonable to us when living in a high-rise in Virginia with 6 million other people in the building, but we only have one unit above us, and another above them.

So, instead of knocking on their doors and introducing ourselves, we find it far more entertaining to learn about them through clues.

We live on the first floor and we have a large window that faces the walkway everyone must pass when coming or going into the main door of the house. So, in the evening, when we hear people walking down the stairs or walking up the walkway, we run to turn off the lights and spy on the person coming or going.

Using this method, we've learned a lot about the people upstairs:

Third Floor

• A woman is pregnant
• A European man lives with the pregnant woman
• We have not determined if it is a baby out of wedlock
• They are getting rid of furniture (perhaps to make room for the baby?) and placing said items out by the curb for trash pickup
• We cannot confirm nor deny whether we have taken a small end table to hold dishes in our kitchen
• We eagerly anticipate the day we invite them over and they notice a familiar piece of furniture that is now holding our dishes.
  

Second Floor

• Two girls live together.
• We presume they're bizarro Kimmmm & Emmmmm.
• Or lesbians.
• They placed a box spring out front with the garbage. A week ago.
• The box spring is still there.

Just as an aside, we've seen a male in gym clothes carrying oranges. We have yet to determine if he lives there or is friends with the bizarro Kimmmm & Emmmmm. Either way, we decided that there is a male that lives nearby that likes to workout and eat oranges.

Well, it was clear we needed to step up the investigation if we wanted to find any real dirt on the people above us. You know, rather than do the obvious and actually MEET THEM (gasp!). So, we continued to keep our eyes and ears open for any further clues.

Third Floor update

Around the holidays, we learned that the pregnant couple accidentally opened one of Kimmmm's Christmas cards that was placed in their mailbox by accident. The woman left an apologetic note and signed her name. From this information, we can deduce that she is either (a) a nice woman that innocently opened a piece of mail, or (b) a felon. You be the judge.

Second Floor update

With our improved scrutiny, we confirmed a couple more things about bizarro Kimmmm & Emmmmm:

• They walk around their hardwood floors late at night.
• They use electricity.

It seemed we were on a roll, but we had yet to discover that single breakthrough clue that would clearly define the people above us.

Until last week.

I was walking down our street and as I gazed up to the dark window of the unit above us, there it was. Our biggest clue to date:

When I shared the information with Kimmmmm, she said, "Do you think the President will come over? I just assume he does personal visits to the ten voting Republicans that reside in the District."

And, these ladies are not just your average run-of-the-mill Republicans. They are sign-hanging-Republicans.

There you have it. We live in a rowhouse with Lesbian Republicans and Pregnant Felons. This city has it all! Perhaps it is high time we introduce ourselves. I can only imagine what they presume about us….