BEST Place to Find Tall Bachelors EVER

Being 5'9 and Kimmmm at 5'11, we always keep an eye out for those tall gents out there to come along and tower over our heads. We've been known to plan hypothetical trips based solely on the height of the people that reside there. Australia was always a top contender, and the Netherlands just made the list after a co-worker returned from working over there and remarked, "all the people over there are active and tall and, well, like you, Emmmm."

Please note: We did not take this into consideration when planning our Peru trip as everyone there peeked at the height of 4'2.

Anyhow, after considering the continents, we seemed to breeze over what may be a secret haven for tall bachelorettes like ourselves... ASIA! As you may have heard over the past couple days, Bao Xishun, a seven feet, nine inches herdsman listed by Guinness World Records as the tallest living man, married a 29-year-old saleswoman.

Apparently, he sent out marriage advertisements across the world to find that special someone. And a special someone indeed. Take a look at the happy couple. Granted, when I look at the photo, another happy couple comes to mind (think American Asian Gothic).

Wow, I mean, WOW! She comes up to his waist! I know the picture lends itself to obvious speculation as to how they would... er... um... dance, but come on.. his waist! Well, hats off to you, Mr. & Mrs. Bao Xishun! And, thank you for opening our eyes to another continent we shall add to our ongoing list of destinations suitable for all things tall.

To all the tall ladies out there, anyone up for a little trip to the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing??? I'm just saying...

BEST Gimlet EVER

Last night, a few of us (me, Em, Auds, McFluff, McFluff's friend) went to see Pete Yorn at 9:30 Club. Beforehand, the group gathered at a fav spot on the Hill, Bullfeathers for a few cocktails.

The following conversation took place:

McFluff's Friend: What are you drinking?
McFluff : A gimlet
Kimmmm (mentally): Isn't that part of a turkey?

I thought that a gimlet was akin to a mint juliep or something of that nature, but after some research of wikidpedia, it turns out that it's a gin based drink.

Also, we are behind in posting. There will be a review of the lauxer/dahler St. Patricks Day extravagnza forthcoming.

BEST It's That Time of Year Again EVER

It's that time of the year again… the weather is getting warmer, the sun is shining longer, and my clothes are soaked in beer and the scent of chili is wafting through the air. Well, not quite yet on those last two, but on May 12, 2007 that will be true.

That's right, the emails came today, inviting Em and I to take part in one of Best Summer Evah's favorite DC Events… the DC Chili Cookoff sponsored by the National Kidney Foundation. For the past three years, we've bravely volunteered during the morning shift beer truck, which involves collecting tickets in exchange for beer to the chili cookoff crowd.

As Em pointed out, working at the beer truck gives you an awesome sense of power… It is perhaps the most power I've ever experienced-- you have no idea how much command you have over a crowd of hundreds of sloppy drunks when you are serving beer. It can also get scary, especially when all five kegs kick at once and the happy drunken mood of the crowd takes a turn as they gather around the counter. A few years ago, when this happened, Em showed more cojones than the rest of the workers combined, who were cowering under the truck at the time, by organizing an impromptu talent show, diffusing the angry mob for the three longest minutes of my life while the kegs were being changed.

In addition to spending a warm spring morning in close proximity to a free flowing source of beer, the Chili Cookoff offers some of the best people watching the DC metro area has to offer. The 300 pound man in the "I beat Anorexia" shirt and the people wearing "you looked better on myspace" t-shirts are just a few of the delights that are amid this crowd.

Anyway, if you are interested in joining us here at Best Summer Evah at the truck (we need 12 - 16 willing and able volunteers), you can get the info here or just drop us a line*. Qualifications for the job include the ability to take tickets and place in a box or fill cup with beer. Improved hand eye coordination after beer consumption is a definite plus.

*Keep in mind, you don't have to necessarily from the DC metro area to participate in this event… Sheesh traveled from Buffalo, NY days after her 21st birthday to help out the National Kidney Foundation. From what she remembers, she had a really good time. Our couch will be available for you out of towners on a first come first serve basis.

BEST Betsy Ross EVER

On Saturday, I headed over to Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love, which surprisingly enough is not located in West Virginia. There were several items on the agenda of Philadelphia, including attending the Philadelphia Flower Show, seeing the Real World House, gorging on cheesesteak and fries, ringing the Liberty Bell, and running up the steps to the museum like Rocky did in that movie while singing "Eye of the Tiger".

Being the spontaneous individuals that we are, we only deviated from this plan slightly. Although never featured on MTV, the Betsy Ross Museum and grave is right next door to the Real World house. It really surprises me that the drunken 20 somethings that appeared on an MTV reality television show where they were encouraged to engage in as much public debauchery as possible, didn't spend more time in Philadelphia exploring the colonial history that was three feet from their front door.

Phillip and Mike had already done the tour of the Betsy Ross museum and house, so we popped over to her grave to pay our respects to the Mother of Liberty, who although made a significant contribution to modern day America in the form of a flag, but never had the chance to vote.

If you actually go into the museum, you will learn all sorts of fun Betsy Ross facts such as the fact that she pioneered the five pointed star, because if you knew how to fold fabric like Betsy Ross, it was possible to make a five point star with a single snip of the scissors. Obviously, a single snip of the scissors per star is a genius move, saving Betsy Ross oodles of time and creating massive amounts of efficiency for our fledgling democracy.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what did Betsy Ross do with all of her spare time? Make more flags? Ride horses and put up torches on churches, one if by land, two if by sea? Cast the Liberty Bell? Draft the Declaration of Independence?

She did none of these things. Instead, she got around.

That's right, history and public education has conveniently forgotten to mention the fact that Betsy Ross was a common revolutionary trollup. She was married thrice, putting her among the ranks of other pop culture trollups such as Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minnelli, and Larry King.

Anyway, I can just imagine how the old timey picking up of Betsy Ross would happen. I picture her sitting at the bar in Ye Olde Ale Pub of Liberty located catty corner to Independence Square, drinking ale, chowing down on cheesesteak, as an old timey revolutionary sidles on up next to her. Betsy probably looked over at him coyly, eyes peeking out from under her flouncy old timey bonnet and said something along the lines of, "So, is that a musket in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

And as they say, the rest is history.

Special thanks to Philli for the Betsy Ross pickup line. Comments with Betsy Ross pickup lines are highly encouraged.

BEST Why It's Important to Learn Verb Conjugation EVER

We are officially back in the States, slowly adjusting to the bitter cold weather, sitting at a desk for an extended period of time, and speaking a language in which we can properly conjugate verbs.

Prior to travelling to Peru, we severely underestimated the importance of properly conjugating Spanish verbs. We assumed that we could get by with the Spanish language based on what we remembered from our high school Spanish classes. And, for the most part, we recalled numerous nouns, adjectives, and verbs. What we did not recall was how to communicate in any tense other than the present tense.

Surely this would not have a significant impact on the message we were trying to communicate, right? That's what we thought. Until two specific conversations proved us wrong.

Conversation 1

While on our cab ride from the Lima airport to the hotel, we struck up a conversation with the cabbie in very broken Spanish.

What I intended to ask: Have you ever traveled to the United States?

What I actually asked: Do you travel to the United States?

What the cabbie interpreted it to mean: Will you travel to the United States and move in with me?

How I learned of his interpretation: He responded in Spanish, "Yes, I will travel to the United States and live with you."

Lesson learned: ALWAYS draw the line between cabdriver and potential new roommate.

Conversation 2

Following one of the most delicious dinners of our lives, we stopped in a local reggae bar and made friends with some of the locals. The catch? Only Spanish was spoken. As the night progressed, our Spanish dialogue improved. Or, so we thought.

Peruvian: (something I couldn't make out because it was in a different tense…) ….amor….

Emmmmm: Kimmmm, I think he just said they love us.

Peruvian: (something we couldn't make out because it was in a different tense…) ….amor….

Kimmmm: Oh, that's so cute, they DO love us.

Peruvian: (something we couldn't make out because it was in a different tense…) ….amor….

Emmmmm: Si. Si. Bien. Gracias.

Peruvian: Si??!! Verdad?

Emmmmm: Si. Y mi amiga tambien.

Peruvian: Verdad?!!!

Emmmmm: Claro!

Peruvian: Quieres hacer amor?

(finally able to make out what he was originally proposing)

Emmmmm: Como?!! No, no!

Prior to that, he was speaking in the future tense, which I could not quite decipher. Once he brought it back to the present tense, which I can understand, I realized that I misled him.

For those of you that also need help translating, "hacer" means "to make." And….I think we all know what "amor" means.

Needless to say, Kimmmmm and I paid our bill at the pub and headed back to the hotel. Just the two of us.

Lesson learned: Do NOT, under any circumstance, continue to say "Yes, great, thank you. And my friend, too..." unless you are certain what has been asked.

BEST English Lesson EVER

After our night on the island, we went to the Mercado Central in Puno to buy gifts for all of you out there reading this. Well, not all of you. Some of you.

Anyway, the market was pretty much what you would imagine a Peruvian market to be like. Stall after stall, haggling in bad Spanish, walking past people screaming àmiga, amiga, comprar! Emily screaming "ocho soles or NO!" as she haggled over $0.30 increments (1 sol) with the vendors desperate for her business.

So, about halfway through our shopping excursion, we were browsing a few stalls which seemed to be unattended. There was a group of about 20 people gathered in a semi-circle around a chalkboard. We didn't really pay attention to the group, but could feel their eyes on us, which isn't all that unusual because we are the whitest and tallest people in the entire country.

Anyway, I was looking at a few hats and all of the sudden I heard the group chorus "black."

And then they said, "blue."

I was wearing black shoes. And blue jeans.

Then they said "green," the color of my shirt.

I turned around, and there were 20 sets of eyes staring at me as I looked back at them.

I waved and the instructor said, ¨what color are your eyes?`

I said azul, and the group replied "BLUE."

P.S. We tried alfojores after searching endlessly for them... each restaurant we were at did not have them, so we finally asked a watier about them. He walked out the front door and arrived back about five minutes later with them. They were okay, tasted like pie crust with extra sugar. We were expecting something that resembled the Little Debbie Christmas trees. The next time we saw them was in the window of a cigarette store (like a mini Peruvian 7-11)and they looked suspiciously like the ones we had at dinner. Now, we are keeping an eye out for ones that do not come in a plastic sealed bag.

BEST Gringa Barbies EVER

We took a tour of Lake Titicaca (do not laugh), which involved spending the night with an authentic Peruvian familia on la Isla Amantani. As gifts, we brought them a few very practical small tokens from DC (a snow globe, magnet) and some tasty treats that we picked up on the dock before we left.

Anyway, our authentic Peruvian host mom was named Hermalada and we spent the night in an authentic house that had no electricity, running water, heat, doors, plumbing of any sort, or anything metal to stick the magnet we brought to.

Upon arriving, it was time to prepare lunch. We offered to help and were assigned to peeling the worlds smallest potatoes with two dull dirty knives. (Again, something that we will not be telling the travel nurse). The daughter of the family managed to peel twice as many potatoes as us combined and in less time. Lunch was potato soup, fried potatoes, and boiled potatoes.

We went on a quick hike and then it was time for dinner... which was potato soup. We enjoyed the soup as we watched the children scarf down the cookies and candy we brought them. In retrospect, fruit or vegetables that were not potatoes would have been a better token of appreciation to bring.

Following dinner, it was time for a fiesta to welcome all of the gringas to the island. The natives of the island were approximately 4'2'' at the very most, so we're assuming that they just viewed us as big awkward gringa dolls that were unable to peel potatoes. This suspicion was confirmed as it was time to prepare for the fiesta. They dressed us in traditional island clothing, which involved a huge hoop skirt (that looked like mini skirts on us), embroidered scarves, blouses, corset like belts, and shawls.

Completely willing to unleash the little girls that live within us, we totally got into playing dress up. A little bit too much. Once we figured out that Hermandalada was indicating to us that she wanted to dress us up, we started to strip off of the five layers of sweatshirts we had on (it is damn cold on an island with no electricity), which sort of shocked her. After she frantically screamed as we took off the first sweatshirt, we realized that we were supposed to wear our dress up clothes OVER our other clothes. So, lesson learned... Peru - it is a modest country.

Anyway, we have a series of increasingly hysterical pictures from the fiesta (which was held in the only building on the island that had electricity) which we will post upon our return.

P.S. Breakfast the next morning was a potato pancake with jam.