Charity

I consider myself to be a relatively charitable person. In the past four years, I've lit the night, I've slung beers for kidneys, I've taken pride in America, I handed out gifts at a cancer gala, and relayed for life among others.

Anyway, despite all of my charitable activities, I've decided that it's time that I really start giving back to a metro area which has already taken so much. This is why I am proud to announce the:

KIMBERLY BICYCLE AWAY FOUNDATION FOR HOPE

That's right. For the past three years, one bicycle that was in my possession, bought by my hard earned money has been generously "donated" to a self serving individual in the DC metro area. As with the previous two years, once again, my own generosity surprised me, when I returned to my apartment to discover that the 2007 recipient had come to claim their bicycle and ride it off into the bowels of southeast, southwest, northeast, northwest, Virginia, or Maryland.

I'm sure that my bicycle went to a very deserving man/woman/child who needed a diamond back hybrid to ride/sell for crack money/dump/give as a gift understands that despite the initial resistance to losing my THIRD bicycle to this area, that deep down inside, I am a truly charitable person. I like to think that the subsequent screaming, crying, swearing, and overwhelming urge to kick a small puppy was only because I truly wanted them to know what sort of a sacrifice I was making for them to enjoy "my" bicycle.

And I'm sure that they didn't mind all my hysterical "don't buy this bike if you see it" postings on Craigslist were only in hopes that they would identify themselves to me, so that I could contact properly tell them how much I appreciated the fact that they didn't wait for me to give away the bike, but rather came and "claimed" it themselves, making my charity very efficient.

Anyway, I'm sure that some of you have seen this Washington Post article. It turns out that many of us out there operate these sort of "charities" with our generosity level varying from year to year. I'm thinking if we all band together in some way, we can really make a difference for the poor/privledged/down on their luck/random punks/crackheads in this area who have the moral flexibility to understand that things that don't belong to them, actually on some level, do belong to them, as evidenced by my charitable "givings" in 2005, 2006, and now, 2007.

Ps. If the 2007 recipient is reading this, can you at least write me a receipt to include as a charitable deduction in my taxes? Why don't you come right back to where you "picked up" the bike and I can truly express my feelings for you?