Peter*

Question.

In a town full of Suits, how does one get away with wearing green sweatpants out in public?

Answer.

Why, you dress up as the Family Guy for Halloween, of course!

Halloween*

As much as I love DC, sometimes she can be a royal bitch. There have been some completely utterly unforgivable things that the District has done to me lately, which I will carry in my bitter bitter heart until my dying day. Despite all of this, I decided that this Halloween I would extend an olive branch, in hopes of a possible reconciliation with my fair city at some point in the future.

That's right, for Halloween, I was a DC tourist. You know, the slow moving folks who cram our city each summer, dressed completely inappropriately for the weather conditions, stopping every few feet to determine if they are walking in the right direction, and pumping much needed cash into our t-shirt industry? I like to think of tourists as somewhat of a blessing. They provide us natives a glimpse into what the rest of the country lives like.

Sure, we go and see our families and friends for weekends here and there, but they are quick trips, and we all breathe a sigh of relief when the plane touches back down and we're home. That's where the tourists come in. They bring the rest of the world to us, so we don't have to leave DC, with its picturesque marble buildings, glorious national mall, and somewhat useful public transportation system. The tourists are here to remind us that the entire rest of the world moves at an infuriatingly kinder gentler pace than DC, and the importance of standing to the right and walking to the left.

Anyway, last Saturday, I ventured out to purchase my costume. I decided to walk (yes, walk) to the National Mall. Anyway, as a service to all of you out there who may at some point wish to purchase a DC t-shirt or have guests that wish to purchase a DC t-shirt, here is a brief overview of the DC themed merchandise (aka "crap") that our city has to offer:

Independence Ave - This side of the mall isn't really worth your time. After walking for a while, I found a t-shirt stand crammed behind USDA. Here I purchased my FBI visor and T-shirt for a whopping $9. I asked the woman behind the counter if they had beltpacks, and she looked at me in all seriousness and said, "No".

Having not seen anything else, I decided to try my luck on.....

Constitution Ave - There are definitely a lot more t-shirt stands through here, and they offer a little bit more variety than the one on the Independence side of the mall. The salespeople were exceedingly helpful and after I bought a lanyard, the one guy tried to upsell me on a matching coffee mug.

After hitting up three stands, and not finding a single beltpack, it was time to get serious. I remembered that there were some shops over by Fords Theatre, so I headed up in to Northwest to….

The shop on the corner of 10th and E - This was more of an emporium type feel, where you could buy an Old Town Trolley tour. The story was spacious, clean, and definitely had the most variety. Here I bought a scrunchie and a "I vote democratic" pin. There was also a fitting room, so that you could make sure that the $7 t-shirt you were buying was worth the money. My favourite thing in this store, that I almost purchased, was a mug that said 'Desperate Whitehouse Wife" and had a likeness of Laura Bush on it. There were some free maps and pamphlets that I picked up next to the register to complete my costume, but I have to say that this store was a little bit more expensive, and you had to pay tax on your purchases. They didn't have beltpacks.

Lincolns Souvenir Shop - I'm sure that one of our greatest presidents would be rotating in his grave like a rotisserie chicken if he knew that there was a Lincoln themed souvenir store right next to the house that he died in, but I put my principles aside, this was Halloween, and I had to find a costume. Anyway, the Lincoln shop was smaller and dingier, but they had a lot more unique t-shirts and a wide selection of sock monkeys, which was more confusing than anything else. I decided to pass on the sock monkeys and since I already had a t-shirt, I headed up the street to …

The Shop on the Other Side of the House Where Lincoln Died - This shop didn't have a presidential themed name, but they had an exceptionally helpful woman who took a break from her t-shirt folding to show me where the belt packs were. Granted, they only sold children's belt packs, but she did not hesitate to rip open the package pull the strap all the way out, and throw it around my waist. And with that level of "hands around my waist" service, she won the sale.

So, to draw this post to a close, here is the final product. Pretty damn good for $20:

Booked*

Those of you who know me well know that I have a little bit of a book problem… to put it mildly. Despite the fact that I tend to neglect my other blog, I spent a lot of time reading, scouring Amazon for good deals on used books, and when there is a lull in the conversation… you guessed it, I talk about what I'm reading.

Saturday, I had a chance to indulge my inner nerd in a way that hasn't come along since grade school. Remember the grade school book fairs? Shelves and shelves of inexpensive books as far as the eye could see? Ahhh... nirvana.... Saturday, I attended not one, but TWO book fairs. Apparently, they still have them for adults.

The first was the Montgomery Public Library with Ph, and the second was a sale at the State Department with a brief detour to Bob Evans and then the two story DSW in Rockville. For a whopping $27, I picked up the following titles:

- Les Miserables
- Wurthington Heights
- Jane Eyre
- On Human Bondage
- Their Eyes were Watching God
- Oracle Security Handbook
- Dave Barry does Japan
- One Year Off
- Frankenstein
- Things Fall Apart
- Politically Correct Bedtime Stories
- The Underground Guide to Unix
- Kim
- Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant

As you can see, quite the eclectic mix. So far I've read "Dave Barry Does Japan", which literally had me laughing at loud at parts. Granted, it's a bit dated, but some of the comedic essence remains… jokes about George Bush throwing up on Japanese officials in 1992 are still funny in my book. And Dave Barry's.
* If you get a chance, I suggest you check out the State Department book fair. It goes until next weekend.

DC'd*

Living in the District, you come to expect certain things: conversations surrounding politics, fines for jaywalking, the inability to register a vehicle, the occasional rodent wandering the streets (or in my case, inside my house). But every now and again, despite knowing what to expect, you find yourself getting DC'd.

And this past Saturday, I found myself getting DC'd. Over and over and over again.

It started off innocently enough. I awoke in my aunt and uncle's home in Ballston eager to head back over to the Hill to partake in my Saturday morning yoga ritual. (note: I took a temporary break from my Cap Hill home following the fumigator visit on Thursday to let nature takes it course…more on this later.) The class begins promptly at 10, so I leave adequate time to drive (gasp!) the twenty minutes it takes to get home. Seems as though most of the World had the same plan in mind as I approached what appeared to be a parking lot extending from 66E to 110S to 395N to my exit. Instead of the twenty minutes I anticipated, which would cause me to arrive at yoga just in time for it to begin, I spent the hour-long class in my car on 395N. Talk about getting DC'd. Nothing like bumper to bumper traffic heading into the city on a non-workday morning.

Having missed the entire class and now extremely frustrated for spending an hour and a half increasing my carbon impact on the environment, I decided I would make up for it by enjoying the beautiful 80-degree autumn(?) day. I walked on over to the Capitol and when I got there, I pulled a Forrest Gump and kept on going. As I made my way down the Mall, I was instantly surrounded by mobs and mobs of families (presumably from the mobs and mobs of cars on 395 N that morning). And the tents! So many tents! Turns out, my innocent walk landed me smack dab in the middle of being DC'd again! How typical. A festival on the Mall. Tis the National Book Festival time of year, and the crowds were certainly out for this one. I strolled in and out of tents to find unrecognizable famed authors, costumed characters from children books, Harry Potter fanatics, and the Magic School Bus (to my dismay, no sight of Ken Kesey & his Merry Pranksters on this one). Once I saw what there was to see, I received my free tote bag and commemorative poster and continued on down the Mall.

I walked over to the Lincoln Memorial, stared up at Abe, and then it occurred to me that it had been awhile since I had spent a good amount of time at the Jefferson Memorial. So, I walked around the Tidal Basin and eventually found myself in a very non-DC'd moment-- the Jefferson Memorial was nearly empty. The way I like to remember the Jefferson Memorial is crammed full of tourists non-stop sneezing and itching their eyes out from the Cherry Blossom Festival (it always goes back to a festival here).

I took a short break at the desolate memorial, and eventually turned around to head back home. Off I went down Independence, unsuspecting of the ultimate DC'd moment that was upon me. As I approached 7th Street, I was faced head-on with anti-war protestors. And, I must say, those protestors have quite the catchy chants, especially when it's coupled with the steady rhythm of a bongo drum. For the remainder of the day, I had their catchy phrases ringing in my head:
"Whadda we want?"
"TROOPSOUTNOW!"
"When do we want it?"
"NOW!"
"Whadda we want?"
"TROOPS! OUT!"
"When do we want it?
"NOW!"

And now it's stuck in my head again.

Anyhow, I had to make it across 7th Street to make it home, but the protestors kept pushing onward, blocking the entire street. What was I to do other than join the masses? Even when the masses include an elderly fellow wearing a Devil costume, holding a red pitchfork, and covering his face with a President Bush mask. Hmmm, I wonder what message he was trying to convey? What a cryptic man.

So I said a little prayer, took a deep breath, and embarked on a real life game of Frogger as I stepped one foot forward, one foot right, one foot forward, one foot left, and so on, until I made it safely across the street. It's true, on Saturday, September 29, I inadvertently joined a war protest for one or two of the longest minutes of my life.

As I was finally on the homestretch, I called my friend and neighbor, Kelli, to see if she wanted to meet up and hear about my DC'd-up day. We decide to meet up over on Barracks Row, and what do you know, it was celebrating it's very first Octoberfest. Need I say it? DC'd again.

*DC'd: Just when you think you know what to expect from this town, it continues to amaze you with how it lives up to its stereotypes.

BBQ*

This weekend was the Safeway National Barbercue Challenge. We got some delicious ribs and some not so delicious sunburn. I think that this picture pretty much sums up all you need to know about the event:

Hag*

So this past weekend was Gay Pride, and I did my best to celebrate as an out and open gay man. Wait a second... that's not right. I was just along for the ride with some other friends. Anyway, as it has been in the past, DC Pride was once again a good time... and I have pictures to prove it.







* And yes, I will email out the pictures