BEST Homeless Help EVER

I'm not sure if it was because it is almost Thanksgiving and we felt like being thankful for all we have. Or, if it's because a few weeks ago we were on our way to homelessness if we could not find a new home by the end of the year. Or, maybe it's because our company was a major sponsor at the event and paid our entry fee. Whatever the case, Kimmmmm and I woke up bright and early on Saturday morning to help the homeless people of Washington DC. You may be asking yourself, "What did you do to help? Did you build homes with Habitat for Humanity? Did you serve food at the soup kitchen? Did you work at a clothing drive?" The answer to these questions is "No."

Instead, we did something that would provide obvious benefits to the homeless. . . We walked. That's right, no money was exchanged, no homes were built, no food was prepared, no clothes were provided. Just a little parade with thousands of others around the Tidal Basin at the Help the Homeless Walkathon.

And similar to other charity events we've participated in, this one was filled with unintentional comedy and horrible, horrible irony.

The morning of the walk was pretty chilly, which was fitting I suppose, since it made me appreciate the very warm home I was sleeping in just moments before leaving home to help the homeless. To any event, we dressed appropriately in many layers of hooded sweatshirts and down vests. And when we arrived at the event, we were given the one-size-fits-all, long-sleeved T-shirts that all the participants wore. It turns out that one-size-does-not-fit-all unless "all" wear an XXXXXXXL. I couldn't help but think of the horrible, horrible irony of us receiving a shirt to pull over our layers and layers of clothes. Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to give the Help the Homeless shirts to the actual homeless we were allegedly helping?

Well, we pulled our oversized tees over our layers and headed over to the National Mall where Adrian Fenty shared some words of compassion before he shaked some hands and kissed some babies. Following his presentation, they unveiled another keynote speaker: Jewel. She blessed us with her presence as she recapped her experience of living in a car and being asked for sexual favors in exchange for money before making it big. And for those of you that were living under a rock for the past ten years, this was the first time you heard her story. Perhaps my favorite memory of the speech was when I looked over at one of my friends and she started clapping and shouting, "Woooo Jewel. Play Hands." Jewel did not perform "Hands." Frankly, I'm not sure if Jewel even walked, which by definition in my book, means she's pro-homeless.

At long last, the walk began. And by "walk," I mean swerve in and out of the other people like I do when I'm driving in Maryland. While walking, we started to strategize what we would do when we were confronted by the homeless during the walk. I decided I would give them a wink while pointing and saying, "This walk's for you….Oh, and you over there on the heater… Hey, and you in the back with the shopping cart." I was positive they would share such gratitude for our early morning sacrifice.

Well, we were never given the opportunity to confront the homeless, because for the first time in the history of the National Mall, we did not see a single homeless person. At first, someone suggested that they must have "cleared them out of the area to make sure it looked nice for the walkers." Which, again, contains such horrible, horrible irony. Then, it suddenly occurred to us what had really happened-- we saved the homeless by walking! Yes, we metaphorically built houses. Every step was a nail in a board.

There you have it. The secret to putting people in homes is walking. If there is a lesson to be learned over the past year of charity events, it is this: Serving beer cures kidney problems, bowling helps kids read, cutting down trees takes pride in America, and walking provides homes to the homeless.

In the spirit of the holidays, I recommend you put on your walking shoes and get outside. I think we can finally put an end to this homeless dilemma that has been plaguing the area for far too long. Just one step at a time. Literally.