BEST Public Service Announcement EVER

Emmmm and I have many unintentionally comical things to post about, but unfortunately, time is a bit short today, so I just wanted to remind everyone that the Virginia election is coming up on Tuesday, November 7.

I urge you to vote for the Senator and Representative of your choice, party, or best attack ad. As an added bonus, during this election, the state of Virginia is also going to legally define marriage (a party with a big white dress, open bar, spilled drinks, boquet catches, and dancing to MeatLoaf...duh)

Don't worry, I've done the legwork... all you need to do is Read Up

We'll get back to the comedy before too long, I promise!

BEST Open Letter to Leasors in DC EVER

Dear DC Real Estate Agents and Apartment Owners,

Given the recent events of the real estate search by both Em and myself, I would like to clarify the definition of a "bedroom". A bedroom must meet the following requirements:

1. Big enough to fit a bed and dresser
2. Has a closet
3. Has a window

Any room in your home/apartment that does not meet all three of the above listed requirements should be listed either as "den", "library", "sitting room", "office", or "space that could be a bedroom if you only have a futon and don't own anything else".

If the room meets the three above listed mandatory requirements, and you still say "So, would this place be for BOTH of you?" when Emmm and I show up to look at your alleged two bedroom apartment, you may want to reconsider how you are labelling it. The reason we showed up in the first place was because you SAID you HAD a TWO bedroom. There are TWO of us, hence the need for a TWO bedroom. Real estate is scarce and expensive in this city. Generally if someone is looking for a two bedroom apartment it is because they have two people, one for each room.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter,
Kimmmmm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear everyone else,
We here at Best Summer Evah are experiencing a small real estate related crisis as we gear up for move number FOUR in THREE years. We are attempting to be as optimistic as possible, but there may not be a whole bunch of postings in the coming days as most online time is spent attempting to locate a place to live in January. I guarantee though, we have many unintentionally comical, yet horrendous stories about the apartment search which will seem a lot funnier once we sign a new lease.

Speaking of which... does anyone out there have a two bedroom, two bath (or one) apartment, within walking distance of either the Capitol South or Eastern Market metro for rent which will not end up costing us an arm and a leg?

Hugs and Kisses,
Kimmmmmmm

BEST Cable Hookup EVER

Flashback to January 2006. Kimmmm and I move (yet again) to a new home. In doing so, we make all the necessary arrangements for our utilities.

Electricity? …..Check.

Gas? …..Check.

Phone? …..Check.

Cable? Not so fast.

A few weeks before the move, I called the cable company to arrange a specific time for the Cable Guy to stop by and do what it is they do to officially set-up our cable. That time came and passed. We never saw said Cable Guy, but when we turned on the TV, we miraculously had cable. Like any other reasonable person, we assumed they were able to take care of it without ever entering our apartment.

A couple months pass, and we pay a couple months worth of utility bills. All utility bills except for cable. That's interesting. I figure I better give the cable company a ring to make sure our bill was not lost in the mail.

Me: Hi. I'd like to pay my cable bill for the past couple months, but I have yet to receive a bill.

Cable Guy: Okay, what is your account number?

Me: I'm not sure.

Cable Guy: You can find it on your bill in the mail.

Me: I'm not receiving bills. That's why I'm calling.

Cable Guy: You can set-up an account online and pay that way.

Me: I tried paying online and it asked me the same thing. How do I figure out my account number?

Cable Guy: You can find it on your bill.

Me: Sigh. Yes, but I am not receiving bills.

This vicious cycle continued for close to an eternity.

Me: Well, can I give you other information to retrieve my account number?

Cable Guy: Okay. Let's try that.

I proceed to give him my name, address, phone number, SSN, first born…

Cable Guy: It looks like you do not have any account with us.

Me: But I have cable.

Cable Guy: Hmmmmm.

Me: Can you just turn it off since I'm not getting a bill from you?

Cable Guy: We'd have to do that from the outside of your building.

Please note that we live in a building of about 500 units. For them to turn off cable, they would be angering 499 other units.

Me: Interesting.

Cable Guy: Interesting.

Me: So, am I going to get a cable bill 10 months down the road?

Cable Guy: You do not have an account with us.

Me: Yeah, I think we've established that.

Free cable. I like it. If anything, it will take a little sting out of the pain of writing ridiculous rent checks. And I can sleep at night, too, knowing I tried my best to pay for it!

Fast forward to present day. Kimmmm and I have been enjoying 10 months of free cable. Until Thursday night. We really only watch TV on one night. For one-half hour. For one particular show. That show being The Office. It is approximately 20 minutes into the show, when suddenly out of nowhere, Karma reared its ugly head at us. The show went fuzzy, but the sound quality was fine and we could still make out what was happening.

Me (laughing hysterically): That's just great! Do you think they shut off our cable? Our free cable?
Kimmmm (also laughing hysterically): No, it's probably happening all around the building. I'll check the TVs in the workout facility.

Kimmmm returns from the workout facility to inform me that all of the televisions have perfect cable.

Just then, we hear a little shuffling noise at the door. We hear that noise pretty often as advertisements are regularly shoved under our door. Kimmmm walks over to the door to pick up the latest piece of trash. But before she tossed it into the trashcan, she turned around choking on her laughter and said, "It's for cable."

Coincidence? I think not.

I cannot wait to receive our cable bill for the past 10 1/2 months.

BEST Political Ad EVER

Just when I thought that the state of politics in America had reached a new low, I saw this attack ad on television.

It doesn't matter if you are a republican or a democrat... I think that we can all agree that this is hysterical.

BEST Last Day of Eating Solid Food EVER

At 8 am sharp tomorrow morning, I am getting my wisdom teeth removed. Now, you are probably saying to yourself, "Why didn't Kimmmm have her wisdom teeth removed when she was 16 like everyone else?" It turns out that my childhood dentist was a very neglectful man, who never felt the need to pull four teeth out of my head for the sake of pulling four teeth out of my head. How I miss that man and his free toothbrushes.

Unfortunately, every other dentist on the face of this planet is under the impression that they should have come out years ago. The varying diagnosis of "get your wisdom teeth removed" and "Oh my gosh….you still have your wisdom teeth?!?!" has caused me to spend the past three years dentist shopping, hoping in vain to find someone who will say, "Let's just leave them in. They aren't hurting you".

Anyway, this past time (at the fourth dentist I have seen in the past three years), the Dentist decided it was time to have a very serious talk with me. Apparently, one of my wisdom teeth has a cavity. He said "You're not brushing them well. You can't even reach back there I bet" to which I defiantly answered, "Will you be able to reach back there to fill the cavity?"

Long story short, I decided that the time has come for me to face the music and commit to a single dentist in the DC metro area. As a sign of this newfound relationship with my dentist, I am going to let him take my wisdom teeth out, something that I probably should have had done years ago. This is a very big step in our relationship, as I am one of the most squeamish people on the face of this planet.

So that's what's new with me. I plan on spending the next few days eating painkillers like they are M&M's, drooling for hours on end, and enjoying a liquid only diet.

BEST I live in NoVA EVER

A huge shout out to Kate for sending me this link. It's about how NoVA (northern Virginia) differs from RoVA (the rest of Virginia). Obviously, even though my car plates say "Virginia", I still consider myself to be from the DC Metro area rather than the state of Virginia.

Here are the major differences between RoVA and NoVA:

· In RoVa, they hope the South will rise again. In NoVa, they hope the souffle will.
· In NoVa, a lab is the family dog. In RoVa, a lab is the family meth business.
· In NoVa, people spend their dough at Starbucks, shooting the breeze. In RoVa, people spend time in the breeze, shooting does and bucks.
· In NoVa, a "fur piece" is something a woman wears on a special occasion. In RoVa, a "fur piece" is unit of distance.
· In RoVa, people pick blackberries. In NoVa, people click BlackBerrys.
· In NoVa, they listen to NPR. In RoVa, they listen to the NRA.
· NoVa has Crate & Barrel. RoVa has Cracker Barrel.
· NoVa: Chain Bridge. RoVa: Chain saw.
· In RoVa, they like freshly killed venison. In NoVa, they like Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

BEST Thank goodness I'm not in Western New York EVER

I spent the majority of my childhood in Western New York, the land where chicken wings are good, pizza is even better, trips to Niagara Falls are numerous, groceries are bought at Wegmans, and the lake effect snow flies for 9 months of the year. Granted, many a childhood Halloween have fond memories of snow, but I think that most native Western New Yorkers would agree with me in saying that a snowstorm in mid-October is just ridiculous.

Fortunately, I no longer live in the tundra that is Buffalo, NY and didn't have to spend the weekend digging myself out and wondering when the power was going to come back on. However, much of my family did.

I suggest that you check out Sheesh!'s blog for a first hand account of the first unbelievably early snow storm of the year.

BEST Look Ma I'm in New York EVER

My first attempt to appear in the today show pen happened during August 2003. Phillip and I woke up at 4 am, got in line, waited behind some very ridiculous people from Alaska with glitter in their hair, and hastily made a poster. At 6:59 am, we were jammed into the pen with the rest of humanity. At 7:00 am the Today Show credits ran, at 7:02 am the sky opened up, drenching us and our crappy poster. At 7:03 am, we decided that appearing on the Today Show was wayyyy overrated and went to get coffee and bagels.

Despite this, for the past three years, I've sort of had the idea in the back of my head that appearing on the Today Show might not be overrated - I mean, these are the people that I generally wake up with every single day. I've laughed with them, cried with them, celebrated Katie's departure, etc. Yes, I needed to go there to experience the magic for myself.

Fortunately, after the disastrous first attempt to appear on the show, I've had ample time to do research, which has primarily consisted of watching the Today Show. A few weeks ago, Emmmm, who has similar ambitions and I decided the time had come. We were going to be on the Today Show.

At the risk of giving away all of the secrets of a successful appearance, I'm going to post some helpful hints about picking the perfect time to be in the Today Show pen.

Do not go during the summer or holiday. This is when people not from New York City come to New York City to visit. They also want to appear on the Today Show, and because they've travelled farther, they want it more. Those people from Alaska in 2003 made it very clear that anyone who attempted faced a very strong possibility of being bludgeoned to death by an icicle or attacked by a penguin.

Don't go on the weekends. Again, tourists. If it's a holiday weekend, you might as well shoot yourself in the leg while giving a gun safety demonstration and then sue the internet for playing the video, because you'll have a better chance of appearing on the show than being in the crowd. Tuesday and Wednesday are the prime days. Thursday isn't bad, especially if there is something big planned for that Friday.

Do not go when they have anything big planned. We went on a Thursday. Janet Jackson was performing the next day. I can guarantee we wouldn't have been as close Matt, Meredith, and Al if we had been there during the Janet concert. Granted, we would have seen Janet for free, but that was not the point of this outing.

The 8 o clock hour is definitely better. During the 8 o clock hour is when the personalities really "cut loose" and the show gets fun. Everyone else gets there foolishly at 4 am, appears at 7 am and leaves by 8 am. We woke up around 6:30, departed around 6:45, arrived around 7:15, popped over to the drug store to buy some water, place some phone calls home, etc, and made it to the show with ample time for the 8 am hour.

Anyway, to make a long story short, using the above mentioned tips, Emmmm and I found ourselves in the Today Show pen with plenty of room to spare. We got a close up glimpse of Matt, Meredith, Al, and Ann.

Here's the thing… appearing on the Today Show with such a small crowd makes you realize that wanting to appear on the Today Show in the first place (and this is hard for me to say because I really love the Today Show) is sort of ridiculous.

Emmmm and I found ourselves standing there, pondering the whole sudden shift in emotions (why again, did we want to do this? Did we really want to stay??). After having a brief conversation about how really weird the whole thing was, we decided to stay, after all, the calls had been placed to the Midwest and there were two 80 something women out there closely watching the television, hoping to catch a glimpse of their granddaughters. We had to stay. Not for us, but for them.

So, stay we did. We appeared in the background of a segment, waved at the cameras, and took some stalkeresque pictures. All in all, not a bad way to begin your day.

Best Commanding Band Name EVER

A little over a week ago, Kimmm and I found ourselves in NYC. Again.

And we found ourselves at a concert. Again.

A Clap Your Hands Say Yeah concert. Again.

The concert was located at the Central Park Summerstage, and surprisingly, the acoustics were pretty superb. Saying that they sounded better than their Virgin Fest performance would be a significant understatement. Architecture in Helsinki opened, and they may have inspired me to take up the bongos. Kimmm sure is lucky to have me as a roommate. Think of all the beautiful bongo sounds she will get to endure enjoy every waking hour.

Anyhow, the reason I'm writing this, other than to announce that we went to yet another concert, is a result of this post I read after it was recommended on DCBlogs. Basically, the blogger talked about the "wooohoooing" that is so prevalent and unbelievably irritating at concerts. As a frequent attendee of musical performances, I can confirm that she is absolutely right.

However, while in NYC at the CYHSY concert, I think I stumbled upon a solution. It is entirely up to the band, but it just may work. Here's the secret: The band must take on a name that sends a subliminal message to the audience. It was very effective at the CYHSY concert, because at times, I would glance around the audience and notice an overwhelming response of individuals doing just as the band directed: clapping hands and saying yeah. I'm not exaggerating. At one point, Will (Kimmmm's college buddy) was standing next to me, and as I looked over at him, I noticed he was clapping his hands, and simultaneously saying (not shouting), "Yeah....Yeah.....Yeah...." Coincidence? I think not.

It's brilliant! Now I'm even more excited to get my one-woman-bongo-band up and running. I think I'll go by Hop on One Foot or Give a Thumbs Up or Just Chant Emmmm. Yeah, that last one won't be creepy at all to hear an audience saying nothing but "Emmmmmmmm, Emmmmmmmmmm, Emmmmmmmmm." Realistically, if I intended to make a living off of my bongo playing talent, which is yet to be discovered, I should probably go by Donate lots of money to the woman on the bongos.

BEST Dynasty EVER

All good things must come to an end. To the surprise of everyone, the Yankees ended an incredible season to the Detroit Tigers. And this was only a mere ten days after we saw them spank the Orioles 16 to 4 at Yankee Stadium. You will notice from my photo below that they have a little less trouble filling the seats than the Nats.


Less than six months left until I get to see Mr. Jeter and company back on the field in their pinstripes!

BEST Guess Where We Went to School EVER

BEST Making a Difference in the DC Metro Area EVER

When we started this blog, I never thought that Emmmm and myself would change the world. I figured the two of us would get a few cheap laughs and share the train wreck that is life in the DC metro area.

Then, the blog started to pay off. Winning a few tickets at Wolftrap, shout out on DC blogs, you know, the usual.

However, I think that we've managed to step our game up to a whole new level. I don't think that it’s a coincidence that I found this article TWO days after Emmmm's post about Dunkin's.

You can thank us as you enjoy your coffee coolatta and pumpkin spice muffins this fall. We do what we can.

BEST Wheeling and Dealing EVER

Part I. The background.

I finally did it. I bought a car. After my previous 10-year-old American car (which is equivalent to approximately 50 years for foreign cars) died on I-66 in early-June, I tried my damn near best to avoid driving. I made it through three months of walking, skipping, jumping, or taking the metro.

But sometimes your best isn't good enough. Starting in mid-September, I was scheduled on a client out in Chantilly, VA for at least a couple months. I knew that I could get a ride for a couple weeks, but not the entire duration of the project. I considered alternative forms of transportation, but every idea failed miserably:

• Vespa - Great gas-mileage, environmentally friendly, ability to zoom around cars. While I would probably max out at 30 mph, I am 99% certain an SUV would run over me.
• Bicycle - Find me a safebike route that will take me all the way West to Dulles, and I'll consider it. Granted, that poses major issues as the weather worsens.
• Metro - I think I could get over the fact that it would take 8 trillion years to metro out to Dulles, but I would be willing to overlook that for the sake of avoiding traffic while helping out the environment. Of course, unless it is the year 2050 and the Orange Line has been extended out to Dulles, then this is not an option.
• My own two feet - They've managed to get me to a variety of places over the past few months. However, I think a 30-mile walk in the morning and again in the evening may be asking a bit much.
• Zipcar - While a great idea if you only need it for an hour or two, it is really no different than a rental car if you need it for the entire day. At approximately $50/day, a car payment would be far more favorable.

Based on the alternatives listed above, you can see that I had no real option but to put on my best "responsible adult" face and go out and buy a car.

Part II. The purchase.

For the past couple weeks, I researched the "very low emissions" vehicles available, their respective prices, miles/gallon, available features, and specifically those vehicles that were available within several miles from home. Then I went to NYC, and the car purchasing was put on hold until last weekend.

When I returned home from NYC on Saturday evening, I decided I would go and check out a few cars before the dealership closed. When I rolled up to the dealership, a gentleman approached me and began the whole "What are you looking for? Used? New? Coupe? Sedan? Color? LX? EX?" I knew exactly what I wanted so I narrowed it down to two different models, then further down to one to test-drive. The salesman set me up in the car for a quick test-drive around the block. Let the awkward conversations begin.

Let me set the stage: I was in the driver's seat, he was in the passenger's seat. I made the mistake of asking how to adjust the steering wheel. He said he needed to reach underneath the wheel if I was okay with that. It was definitely a rhetorical question as he reached over my lap to adjust the wheel. If only I had known that this would have foreshadowed the remainder of my car purchasing experience.

As we're driving around the area, he's doing the whole sales pitch, while ensuring me he's not a "car salesman." As I try to focus on the performance of the car, he continues to highlight the miscellaneous features on the interior of the car-- you know, like the things that fall dead last on your priority list for buying a car.

Salesman: You can use this map lighting for reading maps in DC.

Me: Yeah, okay. So, should I go straight here?

Salesman: Oh, and a center console is great to place for your CDs, phone, iPoD. Do you have an iPod?

Me: I want to check out the breaks.

Salesman: Another great feature is the window-lock function. For your boyfriend or fiance' when he tries to roll the window down and you want it up.

I hate it when people do that. Try to find out about someone's personal life in a roundabout way, for example, demonstrating the window-lock feature on a car.

Me: So, left at the stop sign?

Well, long story short, I decided to get the car, so we parked the car and made our way over to his desk to start the wheeling and dealing. After all, nothing like an impulsive car purchase.

We talk numbers, I'm introduced to the finance guy, and the finance guy proceeds to run some numbers, validate my credit history, etc. The five minutes it took him to do this seemed like an eternity, based on the conversation salesman was trying to continue:

Salesman: Will you be needing a significant other to co-sign this?

Me: No.

Salesman: Are you married?

Me: No.

Salesman: Getting married in the near future?

Me: No time soon.

Salesman: Really? Do you have a boyfriend?

Where the hell is the finance guy??? For the love, I can crunch the numbers faster than this.

Salesman: Do you have any plans with your boyfriend tonight? This weekend?

Me: Nope, I just got back in town.

Salesman: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Not currently.

Salesman: I have to warn you, I'm a master at flirting, and I'm going to flirt with you. After we finish up the paperwork, do you want to see a movie?

You must be kidding me! I just bought a car from you and wrote the single-largest lump-sum check I've ever written! What more do you want?!!

With that said, had I known this conversation would have taken place, perhaps I should've given it some thought. I mean, cars are expensive these days. I definitely should have tried to work something into the price. Get your minds out of the gutter! I'm talking about a movie, maybe dinner-- I have no interest in becoming Pretty Woman.

Me: I'm tired. I was in NYC for the past four days.

Salesman: Oh, otherwise you would have?

Me: Er. Um.

Salesman: How about tomorrow night?

Me: I need to get some work done.

Salesman: Monday night?

Me: I'm really busy at work through November. (note that there IS truth to this statement.)

Salesman: Gosh, I'm going to start to think you're not interested. Well, if you ever want to do something, here's my card.

He proceeds to give me his card and circle his cell phone number.

Me: Well, you already have everything there is to know about me. My name, address, social security number, phone number, employer, salary, checking account number...…

Finally the finance guy shows up with the forms for me to sign. And the salesman pipes in with one last item before shaking my hand to signify the sale (how salesman is that?):

Salesman: Every time I sell a car, I take a picture of the new car owner as I'm handing them the keys.

This has been confirmed. It is not just a ploy to take a photograph of a lady. He produced what must be a 3-inch-thick photo album of photos he's taken of the sales he's made in the past year. And, now I'm part of the collection. Not only does he have my name, address, social security number, phone number, employer, salary, checking account number, but he now has a digital photo of me.

I know Kimmmm and I were already discussing a potential move into the city, but now I think it is imperative that we relocate!

BEST Excuse to sit on your duff EVER

One of the best parts about Fall is that the weather gets a bit cooler and the expectation that every single moment will be filled with something exciting fades.

That's right, with Fall comes the understanding that sometimes it's just okay to sit on your butt and watch television.

Which is what you'll find me doing every Thursday night, as The Office has premiered on NBC.

BEST Coffee EVER

Throughout my childhood, my family would make frequent trips to Ohio to visit our relatives for birthdays and holidays. Insisting on making it a one-day trip, my parents always stopped for a hot cup of joe in the later hours on the way back to Indiana. Now, this wasn't just any cup of joe. This was specifically from Dunkin' Donuts*. Home of the best cup of coffee.

As you can imagine, as an eight-year-old, non-coffee-drinker, I was unimpressed with the wisdom my parents had just bestowed upon me.

Fast forward to this past week. Kimmmm and I made yet another trip to NYC (which will generate several more upcoming posts). Kimmmm began raving about the one thing you can find in NYC and not Washington DC. Any guesses? Here's a hint: it's not the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, or Derek Jeter. She was simply referring to the numerous Dunkin' Donuts locations throughout the city.

After we spent most of Thursday gallivanting around the city, Kimmmm was craving a cup of coffee, only she was really in the mood for something cold and refreshing. The perfect solution would be an iced coffee, right? Now, she didn't want just any iced coffee drink. She wanted it specifically from Dunkin' Donuts. Home of the best iced coffee drink. She vows that Dunkin' Donuts has consistently provided her with a perfect blend of coffee every single time she's ever been there.

And for those of you that were not aware, I am no longer an eight-year-old. However, I am still a non-coffee-drinker, and I was still unimpressed with the wisdom my roommate had just bestowed upon me.

Well, as we passed a nearby Dunkin Donuts, I kept Kimmmm company as she popped in to order her mouth-watering Coolatta. As she took the first sip, she was instantly in heaven and offered it to me to try.

"No thanks. I don't drink coffee."

"Just try it. It's a little piece of heaven."

"I don't want to be addicted to caffeine."

"You won't be addicted from one sip."

"Eh, what the hell…"

I grabbed a straw and took a sip.

"That. Is. AWESOME. It tastes like a chocolate milkshake."

"Nope, mostly just milk and ice, and a little bit of coffee. It's not even that bad for you."

I stuck my straw in for another sip. Absolutely as delicious as the first. Only this time, without even realizing it, I pulled out the straw and drained the other end of it into my mouth.

Kim shook her head and said, "You could've had another sip."

"No, I just couldn't waste one bit of this tasty little treat. I can't believe I'm already addicted to coffee."

"I told you they were to die for."

"Why did I wait so long to try this? I'm so sad that summer is over and I will have to wait until next summer to order Coolattas."

"False. They sell them year-round."

"Well, it's a good thing they aren't anywhere near us in DC, otherwise I'd get one everyday."

"False. They are just really, really far away from us in the DC metro area."

Well, when I returned to DC, staying true to my newfound addiction, I researched just how far away the nearest Dunkin' Donuts was. It turns out that we have our selection between two locations, both within 4-5 miles of home. Dunkin' Donuts is also looking for investors to franchise additional locations to meet the increased demand all over the country, including a proposed location in Arlington, VA. I'm in! Are there any other takers out there? Granted, I need to come up with a cool million to be considered. But just think of the benefits. I bet you receive Coolattas all the livelong day if you're a part-owner.

So that's where I am today, trying to strategize how I can consistently feed my addiction.

My advice to you, dear reader: If you find you are someone that develops addictions rather easily, NEVER EVER try a Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta. You will surely be hooked.

*Why, oh, why must they misspell "doughnuts?"